The worst thing about blogging is the nasty flame wars that we start. The best thing is the deep understanding that we can develop.
I have to, have to, have to believe that we can grow, we can learn, we can get better, become more, learn more, understand more, listen more, and improve our lives and ourselves through blogging and reading blogs.
Thank you Amy Stephen for renewing that trust.
I’m listening; you’re listening. You’re speaking; I’m speaking. We’re both learning.
Thank you.
[tags] amy stephen, blogging, respect, listening, john koetsier [/tags]
Nice move! lol …
Sadly, sadly, sadly, I happened upon your soul-searching question to the world at the wrong time. I have been trying to negotiate peace in an online situation where it appears some would rather toss bodies than figure it out. Personal attacks – poor communication – unwillingness to consider alternatives.
Argh! I did not realize how frustrated I was until I started sorting all of this out in my mind. Later, after I typed. Later, when I laid in bed, shaking my head, wondering what the heck just happened and why I would ever respond like that!
I saw a questioning of a person’s character for doing something I do not think was unacceptable, nor do I believe it happens frequently, nor do I believe it hurt anyone (i.e., I am reasonably certain men are still able to squeak out a living in the IT industry even after the “good ‘ole gal” system elbowed their blog roll links off one site.)
But, I do believe it happens *all of the time* on the other side, so much so, even, that no one notices. And, yes, collectively this is one more action that tips the scale of fair play away from women. And, yes, it does injure the group and makes it just that much more difficult for women to gain credibility in this industry. 25 years in this industry I have. Yes, we have much to overcome. But, it is not impossible and you will hardly ever hear me complain. The ride has been amazing!
I know how much it hurts people to have their ethics questioned publicly by people they have never met. It’s not just an exercise in intellectual gymnastics or a casual batting around of concepts. A private email asking the same question would yield better results. That is *exactly* the approach I should have taken with you. And, IMO, a better way to *get to the bottom* of this issue with this young woman.
Perhaps her company is trying to strengthen their ties to this particular demographic and have instructed her to focus there? IDK. I am quite certain, though, that she would willingly share her reasons, if asked politely.
I am sorry for my poor behavior. I know better. That’s what makes it so silly. Your response demonstrates your integrity. Thank you for the offer of undeserved kindness after my foaming at the mouth response. You have renewed my faith in others – and made me question myself – in the end, the only questioning worthwhile.
BTW – added you to my blog roll. I wanted to make certain I could get back to the DVD rewinder article if I can’t think of a better gift this holiday season for the big guy. You do have some great stuff here.