Tag - funny

Best bio on Twitter?

I wonder what the best bio on Twitter is. I think it might just possibly be Ken Newman’s:

Film and Stage Actor, Trade Show Presenter, Corporate Entertainer, Writer, Magician, Photographer, and anything else that people will pay me to do – w/in reason

Love it! “Anything else that people will pay me to do, w/i reason.” Great.


Here’s Ken’s Twitter … and here’s his blog.

Uh oh, my "online" is about to be deleted

Sometimes it’s fun to read through your email spam. Some poor clueless spammer sent me this gem today:

This is your official notification from eBay. Your online has expired.
If you want to continue using our service you have to renew your online.
If not, your online will be limited and deleted.

I am shaking in my boots … from laughter.

My adjectives are in danger. My nouns, however, are all just fine.

Hopefully, the same is true of you.

QOTD: I'm not dead yet!

It’s a little dated, but I ran across this today and couldn’t help but laugh:

Microsoft is clearly out to wed the Zune with Windows Mobile in a effort to get the two failures to prop each other up in its “I’m not dead yet!” fight against the iPhone.

Of course, it’s really only funny if you know the Monty Python skit the author is referring to …

"Valley Girl" is the new language of business, apparently

You have to love this comment by an analyst on the new that Steve Jobs won’t be keynoting MacWorld this year:

“It’s like the first time in a long time he hasn’t spoken in Macworld,” said Samuel Wilson, an analyst at JMP Securities. “Why is he not speaking this year would be the question.”

Yes, the first time he isn’t speaking at Macworld in a long time is rather like the first time he isn’t speaking at Macworld in a long time. Startlingly so, in fact.

(I can’t point fingers too much – this language has infiltrated most of us to the extent that once in a while, we all use it.)

Like we were, you know, valley girls.

How markets work

It’s just about that ludicrous …

I don’t like their continual reference to a black individual, however. It rubs me the wrong way, and the reality of the current meltdown is that it’s colorblind, and caused probably much more by middle-class white people trying to live in McMansions than any other class of people.

iPhone family

We went to my sister’s place yesterday where we were having a family party for my nephew Jacob, who was turning 14. The place was lousy with iPhones.

  • I had one.
  • My sister Maria had one.
  • Her daughter Megan had one.
  • My sister Renee had one.
  • Her husband Jeroen had one.

Naturally, since I’m the technical one in the family, I was immediately pressed into duty helping everyone figure out everything they wanted to know about how to use their iPhone. But it was fun.

You know something is going mainstream when suddenly your entire family starts buying it …

New Dilbert Mashup: cool but broken

Scott Adams has a new Dilbert mashup on his main site, Dilbert.com. Very cool.

The question posed is: are you funnier than Scott? You then get to change the punchline on the final pane of a Dilbert cartoon to something else … and people can vote on your version.

Only problem: it didn’t work as advertised. Not cool.

Here’s my cartoon, and the ostensible problem: “invalid panel count.” I’m not quite sure what it’s referring to …

Scoble Shnoble: who's who

Check out
http://scoblerizer.wordpress.com/ versus

That’s Just another little reminder from the universe that URIs were never designed for humans. And that identify theft is all-too-easy online.

It’s somewhat amusing … whoever started the scoble-like blog started blogging on April 13, 2006 with a classic “I’m blogging at last” post, and apparently ended that all-too-brief flirtation just two days later, on April 17.

Someone probably warned him/her that identify theft, even in the blogging world, is a bad idea.

Chocolate bunny

Chocolate bunny

Originally uploaded by johnkoetsier

Aidan recently entered a coloring contest at a local store.

The prize was a 5 kilogram chocolate Easter bunny, and Aidan was 100% sure he was going to win.

Sure enough, on Friday last week we got a call from the store. Aidan, Ethan, and I went down and picked up the bunny, which is bigger than Aidan.

As soon as I saw it, I was thinking … hmm … probably from China, the chocolate probably tastes like wax. Actually, it was made in Montreal, and the chocolate – while not exactly gourmet – is not bad at all.

Good thing it’s hollow, but I still have no clue how we’re going to eat it all!

Non-chocolate bunnyHere’s a shot of him actually inside the box …

Now the question is: what on earth are we going to do with 5 kilograms of milk chocolate?

Anybody want some chocolate, cheap?

In the dude-change-the-name category

change nameI was assiduously building my network on LinkedIn today when I noticed the “new people from Premier” (my current company). Knowing that the “new people” are almost never from the Premier that I’m from, I obediently checked, only to find these people …

They include an unfortunate individual in the position of interim manager named Dick Slob.

I submit that he should run, not walk, to the nearest hall of officialdom where name-changing occurs. His first name is an epithet; his last a slur.

You can’t make stuff like this up – it’s just too good. Were his parents Serbs named Slobodan? Did they want to disavow connections with the infamous Milosevic? Did they think it was just easier to spell?

Guaranteed: he changes the name, the interim comes off his title.


Buy the T-shirt

sparkplug 9 t-shirtOK, so the buy-the-t-shirt crack in the sidebar there under my pic was a joke. Really.

But I needed something to do tonight, so I decided to actually make one. After all, who could possibly pass up the gen-you-wine one-uvva-kind most excellent and amazing Sparkplug 9 T-shirt?

Not me. And most certainly not you.


It’s minimalist, just like me. It’s cool, simple, but complicated beneath the surface.

Just like you.

Instructional video that's fun

Professional photog Martin Weiss talks about how video can do a great job of explaining something … like a new product, service, tool.

His link lead me to Funky Cloud, which has come out with the greatest little productivity app, LifeShaker:


That is a great little movie – check it out. I loved it, and my middle school daughter loved it too.

One thing:
They need to make the video portable and give themselves a chance to go viral … I’d love to post the video here and let people see it. If people are interested, they’ll jump over the Lifeshaker site and get more info.

How to blow one balloon inside another

Ethan’s instructions:

1. Blow both balloons up first (to stretch the balloons)
2. Let the air out of both
3. Blow up the balloon that’s supposed to be bigger (on the outside)
4. While holding the outside balloon put the other balloon inside it
5. Blow up the inside balloon6. Blow up the outside balloon just a bit more
7. Tie them both


Skookumchuck Rapids

We’re currently on BC’s Sunshine Coast taking a week’s holiday. A couple of days ago we took a two-hour hike to Skookumchuck Narrows, which is where the tidal flow into a huge basin is constricted through a narrow passage and can exceed 30 km/hr.

Really cool rapids and standing waves … which the kayakers enjoy:

Fun with photobooth

Ethan and Aidan were playing around with Photobooth, Apple’s fun picture-taking software that accompanies the newer iMacs and MacBooks with built-in cameras.

A couple of the results:


And one that they liked better:


The painting you see in the back? It’s Jeroen Vermeulen‘s … their uncle (and my brother-in-law).

[tags] ethan, aidan, john koetsier, family, pix, photo [/tags]

Summer Holidays

(a poem by Gabrielle Koetsier, age 10)

Children sitting, solemn, silent.
Bell rings! Screaming, yelling, violent!
Running, rushing, up the stairs.
“Children, wait!” nobody cares.
School’s out! It’s summer! Time to play!
No more teachers! Run away!
We are going to the pool.
Perfect way to keep us cool.
Let’s go buy some lemonade!
We will drink it in the shade.
Our skin is brown, our feet are bare.
And we are free without a care.
Playing, laughing, summer days,
We’re on summer holidays!

(I typed it all out by myself too!)

Easter egg clues …

This past Easter we, naturally, had an easter egg hunt. Each of the kids had a chance to hide the eggs and let the others find them.

And Gabrielle, being the creative girl she is, had to make it more interesting … with clues. Here they are …

Hrm …. in the library?




This doesn’t sound too good for chocolate ….


OK, this one’s easy:


But I’m not sure I want to eat this egg:


[tags] easter, eggs, hunt, fun, kids, pictures, john koetsier, gabrielle [/tags]

A day at Mount Baker

I took the day off today and we spent the day at Mount Baker. Tubing, playing, feeding the birds … absolutely gorgeous:


Here’s a short video that I took while tubing … following Gabrielle down the hill:

[tags] mount baker, tubing, john koetsier [/tags]


So Aidan wanted to watch The Lord of the Rings.

I said no, it’s too scary for 3-year olds. He disagreed, saying that he would not be scared. “I’m tough!” he declared. Teresa backed me up, telling Aidan that there were lots of parts in LOTR that she was even scared by.

He thought for a second. “But I could wear sunglasses!”

(Gabrielle forced me to blog this.)

[tags] kids, movies, LOTR, john koetsier [/tags]

Cats don’t limbo?

So we were at some friends’ place this afternoon and they have a cat.

Gabrielle told Aidan that cats like to play with string, and that he might like to wiggle a string in front of the cat. Aidan took the string, and held it with both hands horizontally in front of the cat.

He waited a second, and then – the cat not moving – said “Hey, it’s not working. This cat doesn’t do the limbo.”

We all cracked up, of course.

On being interesting

Russell Davies talks about how to be interesting:

While I was at the U of O I kept going on about how the core skill of any future creative business person will be ‘being interesting’. People will employ and want to work with (and want to be with) interesting people.

And since I’d spent quite a lot of time telling them all the things they should stop doing I’d thought I’d try and teach something useful. Since I don’t actually know anything useful I had to make something up. Which is below. It takes about 10 minutes to teach but it’ll take a lifetime for people to work out if it works or not, and by then I’ll be long gone. Ha!

A quick summary: first, be interested, and share. Then …

  1. Take at least one picture everyday. Post it to flickr.
  2. Start a blog. Write at least one sentence every week.
  3. Keep a scrapbook
  4. Every week, read a magazine you’ve never read before
  5. Once a month interview someone for 20 minutes, work out how to make them interesting. Podcast it.
  6. Collect something
  7. Once a week sit in a coffee-shop or cafe for an hour and listen to other people’s conversations. Take notes. Blog about it. (Carefully)
  8. Every month write 50 words about one piece of visual art, one piece of writing, one piece of music and one piece of film or TV. Do other art forms if you can. Blog about it
  9. Make something
  10. Read

The only caveat I’d have to this list is that if I had to do them all, I’d be so busy being interesting that I’d have no time for anything else.

So I’ll take the list in moderation. But it is a great list.

Halloween and too much candyâ„¢

halloween.jpgBack from trick-or-treating with the kids.

Ethan counted his candy, and he’s got 135 chocolate bars, bags of chips, and assorted other candies. The other kids have about the same.

We didn’t go to that many homes …. many just give out 6 or 7 candies at a time.

Sheesh – when I was a kid we had to work for our candy!

[tags] halloween, kids, trick-or-treating, john koetsier [/tags]