Tag - joke

The mythos of Evil Empire 13

In the world of Evil Empire 13, great plots are constantly being woven behind you – and everyone. The surface reality of the world is just that: surface. And universe IS actually out to get you, just as you always suspected.

I’m starting a new site, mostly for fun. It’s Evil Empire 13, and I essentially built it in a morning this past week.

SMERSH & SPECTRE & KAOS & AL QUAEDA, ALL ROLLED UP INTO ONE
The idea is that there is an organization – naturally of course, an evil organization – behind all the stupid, bad, annoying, and just downright embarrassing idiocies in your life.

For example, when your zipper won’t zip. When you pull our of your parking space and promptly smash the stop sign, or mow down granny’s geraniums. (Or, heaven forbid, granny herself.) When PowerPoint absolutely refused to be reasonable and move that BLOODY BOX OVER JUST ONE PIXEL, insisting instead that your presentation looks much better WITHOUT aligned elements.

The Evil Empire
Naturally, however, no villain can resist the urge to brag. Just look at all the geniuses on Facebook who stole something, took a picture, and posted it. Or boast about breaking the law to that small, select group of people in the world WHO CAN ACCESS GOOGLE.COM.

Evil Empire 13 is where #1, who is sort of the CEO of Evil, Inc., lets the cat out of the bad. Not literally, because he’s evil and would never let the cat actually get out. But figuratively. And with varying degrees of competence.

And it’s funny (well, it’s supposed to be)
The goal is to poke a little bit of fun at the silly and annoying and maybe even potentially dangerous things we deal with every day. And, with humor, make them a little more bearable.

Like looking on the bright side, because even if a potentially civilization-ending solar storm is heading our way at millions of miles an hour, at least it’s not sharks with head-mounted lasers. Or pretending that failed Armageddon prophet Harold Camping is working for Evil Empire 13 … but we fired him because he keeps spilling the beans and forcing us to reschedule the end of the world.

If there’s even one smile that results, we’ve done our job.

Our evil job, that is.

The unfinished joke …

We did a very fun thing on the last day of the eLiberatica conference: Werewolf. Danese Cooper led this game in which audience members do quick 3-minute impromptu speeches on a topic of their choosing. Natuarally, Jeroen van Meeuwen pushed me forward and signed me up against my will, and I found myself in front of a room full of people.

I spoke about optimizing personal SEO through proper use of social networking tools such as Twitter and LinkedIn. But at about the 2:30 mark, I ran out of material. So someone suggested a joke.

I immediately started telling the below joke, but since I had no punchline (at the time) I dragged it until the 3 minutes were finished and I was in the clear.

Here’s the joke, now that I slept on it and dreamed up an ending. It draws strongly on the fact that Romanians know how to party like few other people on earth …

3 guys walked into a bar, a Canadian, an American, and a Romanian.

The Canadian was a cheap bugger, and as they walked in he said, “I wonder how much the drinks are here. Maybe they’re cheaper at the next bar.” The American was a sharp entrepreneur, and as he stepped inside he looked around and said, “I wonder how much it would cost to buy this bar. I’d pick it up, do a licensing deal with Beck’s, expand the second floor, and double my money in a year.”

While they had been chatting just inside the door, the Romanian had walked up to the bar, found a seat, tossed back his first beer, and was starting on his second when finally he yelled in their direction: “I wonder how much time you guys are going to waste until we start the &*%$# party!”

Naturally, I do not condone the use of profanity and vulgarity, so you’ll have to fit a word into that last line yourself …

I think it would have brought the house down, especially since with hecklers and other fun, we had been laughing most of the 3 minutes already.