How *not* to talk to your clients

Ummm … no matter what your clients contact you about, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never have your pickle-up-the-@ss marketing department reply like this:


Thank you for contacting Intel. We sincerely appreciate your taking time to provide your comments and feedback.

The new corporate logo signals that the Intel® brand, and what it stands for, is evolving. It is the most visible representation of our company, and the new logo serves a powerful tool that strikes the right balance between building on our heritage and signaling the evolution to platforms. This emphasis on the corporate logo aligns with how people buy their technology today-in a complex marketplace with many devices, people look to the source brand first. Overall the strategy is tightly aligned with our business strategy, and our approach to the specific markets where we are playing-mobile, home, health, and enterprise. This change in brand identity does not affect the Intel Inside® program.

Intel does have one of the most valuable brands in the world, but we want to increase the value and make it even stronger. We believe this brand evolution will allow Intel to be better recognized for our platform vision and contributions (beyond the microprocessor), establish a stronger emotional connection with our audiences, and strengthen our overall brand value and position in the marketplace.

Again, thank you for your interest in Intel.

Sincerely, Intel Customer Support

I saw this on BoingBoing today.

The email, from Intel customer support, was in response to someone who submitted a don’t-contact-us form on Intel’s website, basically telling them that he felt their new logo sucks.

The answer is corp-speak blah blah blah blah blah blah. No-one cares. No one cares about your heritage and emotional connection and evolution and alignment.

Even inside Intel, no-one cares. Not even the poor dweeb who wrote this cares. He’s just trying to keep a job, make bosses feel good about themselves, and pay his mortgage.

Why on earth would the world care?

(OK, about fifteen people care. The branding people, some of the marketing people, and the C-level execs, except the COO, who, because he has to deal with real things and real problems and real solutions, is too level-headed to get caught up in nonsense like this.)

Some people will catch the Cluetrain. To others, it’s the light in the tunnel that keeps getting closer and closer and clo- …